Why Can’t I Get Relationships Right?

Jade Lee

This concept of Old Wounds, New Relationships has been permeating through my heart throughout this week.  The fact is there are times we can’t seem to get through long term, deep relationships or even build healthy friendships because of these pains that we may not realize are stemming from the past. 

When we enter into a friendship, marriage, or covenant relationship that we take seriously it can be easy to find ourselves starting out excited.  We know GOD has led us to this person, career, ministry or commitment.  But as time goes on, it is virtually impossible not to face problems in the relationship.

We begin to realize the imperfections of others and although we already know no one is flawless, we may still find reality shocking. 

But something is just NOT adding up.

Why am I so angry?  Why am I so hurt?  Why am I devastated?

When they only said something in a way I would not prefer, or they misunderstood me, or they didn’t call me, pay attention to me…?  Have you ever thought to yourself, Something is just not adding up here?  I should be able to shake this much easier.

I have definitely been in this type of dilemma a time or two in my own life.  I knew in my head the person’s heart, but my heart didn’t seem to be believing the truth.

This could simply be, not that you nor I have lost it, but that we could be misappropriating the anger, frustration, fear and pain of our past hurts onto a current situation. 

Recently, I was driving into my drive way and my husband was walking towards me with our 10 month old puppy.  She began to get really excited, jumping and running.  In the midst of this exhilarated welcome she ran around me in a circle, but there was a chain still tied around her neck.  Not only did she wrap around me but that chain dug into the back of my legs.

My mind saw it all coming, but it was so fast that I did not have the time to respond.  Instead of reacting, I walked away in the dark, not knowing if I was cut or how badly I was hurt.

When I got inside, into the light, it was not long before I realized that this chain had done some damage to my legs.  They were cut up pretty bad and bleeding.

When my husband returned from the store with bandages, what moments ago seemed painless, began to make me squelch in responsiveness as he began to wrap my legs.  If I did not realize what was wrong, I would have blamed him for the pain, gotten angry with him when all he was trying to do was to wrap my legs in help.

In fact, I did blame him in my heart for the entire incident then felt the conviction settle in that it was not his fault at all- I had judged the situation prematurely.  After realizing that he could not see where I was or the chain because it was dark outside, my heart was humbled.

So often I have found myself blaming him for helping because I did not understand the source of the pain was not him; it was from a previous or another root.

We can do the same in our relationships.  We can begin the blame game very easily when in pain because we want to have a reasoning for our current feelings.  We start to blame friends, family, pastors, teachers, ourselves and whoever we can find in order to resolve the confusion of our mind.

We want to get out of the pain so we panic.

It is so important that during these times I stop, wait and then respond when I am less emotional.  Before I put my foot in my mouth…Again.

Usually, when I take the matter into my own hands more pain is caused and I hinder my own help.  But when I slow down, breath, think through my situation and ask GOD to help me see truth, I am that considerate, sweet woman living in appropriate gratitude for the man wrapping my legs, driving to the store to help me!

Is there some way that you have realized you have reacted in pain, misjudged the source of your pain or failed to give appropriate gratitude for those trying to help you because they have Touched a Past Wound?

I encourage you today to do what I must confess the LORD led me to do this very week, go to the one you hurt, ask for forgiveness and express gratitude for their help.  Then begin the healing process of the aching wounds of your heart.

Scripture for Meditation:

Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

When GOD sends others to minister to you or help you, like my valiant husband, how can you gracefully receive their aid in excitement- even if they touch the wounded spot?  Have you ever responded in your flesh to an aching wound then noticed you should not have reacted so quickly?  GOD can help us remain in the Spirit, even through hardship and difficulty as we grow in Him together.

Love & Blessings!

3 replies
  1. Laurin
    Laurin says:

    This article speaks to my heart. This very week I found myself in a couple situations at work asking why am I responding this way! I didn’t say much with my words but my heart was so loud. I began to relate the situations which had nothing to do with the people around me. Thoughts began to flood my mind of all the why’s and blaming others for what I was feeling. But it was frustrating because I knew they had no idea what they did and their intentions were not to hurt me. I’ve been on the journey this month as well joining in with the calls and exercises and it’s really bringing clarity and hope to a lot of the questions! I’m so grateful for this article and all the resources. It’s also comforting to know I’m not crazy lol or the only one that’s experienced something similar. Thank you!

  2. Mikey Fraser
    Mikey Fraser says:

    This article has completely changed my mind! Lately I’ve been wondering why I can’t seem to get relationships of depth and this article was confirmation and an answer to my concerns. Now I have some work to do. Thank you for posting.


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