Receiving Healing from Childhood Wounds

Jade Lee {Podcast at Bottom}

So many wounds occur when we are in our childhood years of life, but oftentimes we are not aware of how this affects us going into our adult years.  Instead, these wounds can remain buried deeply, until we receive foundational healing.

This term came to me years ago, the idea of healing in the foundational relationships of one’s life.  Foundational relationships are those between your biological or immediate family- your father, mother, brother, sister.  This applies even for those who are adopted and for those who never had a father or mother.  The relationship or lack there of can still bring deep hurt causing an orphan spirit to be developed in the person’s life.

Orphan- A child whose parents are dead.  Pertaining to a child so bereaved.  One deprived of some protection or advantage.  (Webster’s Dictionary)

When a child becomes orphaned due to either death of his or her parents in the natural or due to a spiritual lack of protection or advantage, this can affect the child very deeply until adulthood.

This can also occur in relationships with spiritual parents, when a spiritual mother or father abandons, neglects, ignores, abuses or spiritually manipulates that child.  Instead of acceptance and embracive love, the son or daughter may feel unloved and unprotected producing shame, deep pain and/or depression.

It is very important that when we realize this pain has occurred, we are able to go to our Heavenly Father for healing.  Over the past year I have been entrenched in studies on my Father’s love because of the profound need for this in my own life and others lives around me.  It is fascinating to see the differentiation between His love, His expression of love and our own lack of knowing How to express this love to others.

GOD has also brought key fathers into my life to help me see the How to this Love Expression.

The reality is that a father or mother’s heart can be in the right positioning, yet due to each one of our human needs, they do not know How to express that love in a way that meets our hearts.

But GOD shows us How to practically Heal and touch the lives of those who have been harmed, rather than bringing on more harm.  Some of what we have believed to be simply a Spiritual Attack on the church of Offense or Unforgiveness, or the Enemy Bringing Division is in reality a Lack of Relational Skillsets.

There are many Human Needs.  Once we have an understanding of the makeup of humanity and our needs, we are better equipped to meet those needs in the lives of those around us.

These needs are literally found in the Scriptures.  Here are 10 of the key needs we have as humans:

  1. Acceptance– Receiving others willingly and unconditionally (even when their behavior has been imperfect) and loving them in spite of any differences that may exist between you (Romans 15:7)
  2. Affection– Expressing care and closeness through physical touch and through words such as ‘I love you’ or ‘I care about you’ (Romans 16:16; Mark 10:16)
  3. Appreciation– Expressing thanks, praise, or commendation, particularly for who they are (as opposed to what they do); affirming both the fact and the importance of our relationship with another person (Ephesians 4:29; Mark 1:11)
  4. Approval (Blessing)- Building up or affirming another person, particularly for who they are (as opposed to what they do); affirming both the fact and the importance of our relationship with another person (Ephesians 4:29; Mark 1:11)
  5. Attention– Conveying appropriate interest, concern, and care; taking notice of others and making an effort to enter into their respective worlds (1 Corinthians 12:25 NASB)
  6. Comfort– Caringly responding to a hurting person through words, actions, emotional responses, and physical touch; hurting with and for others in the midst of their grief or pain (Romans 12:15 NASB; Matthew 5:4; 2 Corinthians 1:3,4)
  7. Encouragement– Urging others to persist and persevere in their efforts to attain their goals; stimulating others toward love and good deeds (1 Thessalonians 5:11; Hebrews 10:24)
  8. Respect– Valuing one another highly, treating one another as important, and honoring one another with our words and actions (Romans 12:10; 1 Peter 2:17)
  9. Security (Peace)- Establishing and maintaining harmony in our relationships and providing freedom from fear or threat of harm through expressions of vulnerability, deepening of trust, and the successful resolution of conflict (Romans 12:16,18)
  10. Support– Coming alongside others and providing gentle, appropriate assistance with a problem or struggle (Galations 6:2)

All of us have a need for each one of these, but on varying degrees.  Whereas one person may have a high need for support, another person may need respect.  It is important to note that part of the healing process in relationships is found in knowing these are needs, not merely desires.

For example, if a person has a high need for respect and this is seen as a Weakness instead of a need, we may devalue their need by saying they need to be stronger, more spiritual or have “thicker skin” when in reality, they simply have a true, valid need to be treated importantly.

The sooner we realize this, by meeting that need, their heart is filled with love and we are used to heal rather than tear down.

I have found this is desperately needed in our relationships with one another- as family and in the church unit.

When I did not understand this principle, I would fail to accept people for who they are, “receiving them willingly and unconditionally (even when their behavior has been imperfect)” and I thought I was doing good as a pastor.  If I made it clear they were in sin (which we should do as relationship develops) then surely they would repent!  But what I did not realize was how much that person may have needed Love and Acceptance, In Spite of their Failures.

The very opposite could be true in that situation.  If I love In Spite of Sin, the unfulfilled need causing them to struggle with that sin would be filled and the power of temptation finally overcome.

When our needs are not met, we experience pain.  Pain causes us to default to other “opportunities” to alleviate the hurt.  This can either be in the embracive love of our Heavenly Father or it can be in seeking the approval of man (in an imbalanced way) or it can be in falling into the temptation to sin.

Perhaps you were deeply hurt by a lack of affection as a child and now that need is great or you never received the attention you needed and now there is a deficit in that area.

There is HOPE.  GOD can bring well equipped mentors in your life, spiritual fathers and mothers that know how to heal these areas.  He can use your husband or wife, a close friend or sibling to heal this area.  And, He can heal you directly.

Pray this prayer with me: Father, I thank You for showing me my needs.  I thank you for the confirmation and affirmation that these needs have come from You and I never need to be apologetic for the fact that I have human needs.  Now, I pray that You will begin to heal my heart as my Heavenly Father.  I pray that You will bring the right people into my life to heal the wounds caused by foundational relationships and unmet needs.  I trust You for this process and ask for patience as You grow me, delivering me in your love.  Remove the orphan mentality from my life and bring in a spirit of great acceptance, love and healing to me.  In Jesus’ Name.  Amen

Did you pray that prayer?  My heart is with you, desiring to see you comforted as you encounter His nearness daily.

Take time to think about your top three needs.  This is the first step to beginning the healing process in your life.

I would love to hear how this article has blessed you and your thoughts on Meeting Needs to Heal Foundational Relationship.  Come on, comment below and let’s start a conversation that will heal many.  Have a blessed and prosperous day!


5 replies
  1. Emelia Minta
    Emelia Minta says:

    this article was very insightful. The list of relational needs really helps, I’ll be meditating on it to better know myself. Also helps to expect solutions from God for the voids I feel. The part about blaming spiritual attack for lack of relational skill set stuck out to me. That’s good!

    • Jade Lee
      Jade Lee says:

      I’m so thankful it helped you! Yes, there are Always solutions to every problem we face and knowing our needs is the first step to finding out what’s missing then communicating it to our loved ones in aprropriate timing! Love & Blessings!


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