I’ve been planning to write Sarah-Elizabeth’s birth story but as you know the first three months of a baby’s life is quite the transition. So here’s how it went…
My pregnancy was fantastic! If you don’t know the story behind how I got pregnant then you can read it in my previous blog post but girl it was a journey!
To be honest, I’m not one of those girls with perfect faith. I had to believe like I didn’t know how and it was hard! But through an ability beyond my own, I kept believing against all odds that I would get pregnant.
At a conference in Virginia, on Regent University’s campus I got up around 4am to do what had become my dreaded duty in the fertility process, take another pregnancy test.
Every single time this was an emotional roller coaster. Hubby next to me sound asleep I was surrounded by traditional floral bedding, probably a quaint picture facing back at me, long gowns and suited men echoing days bygone.
And I began to pray like I entered one of those picturesque scenes. Only I would have been a slave in those times so thank God for the thoughts of freedom finally coming! That night I was praying like a slave for this to finally happen.
Just didn’t want to go through seeing another negative not knowing what my emotional state would be; it was time to be strong, to face the music, but not alone.
Familiar scenarios began to travel through my head at the speed of lightning. Would I see a negative sign again? Begin to cry? Have a flat effect wishing I could muster up the tears? But I’d cried so many tears the well was dry.
Would I find the words to express how painful this really was at least to my hubby one of the only ones who knew about that powerful white and pink stick hiding in my little red travel bag?
How would I paint my face happy walking back into the conference doors, greeting a group of people ready to see us share?
Because hope deferred makes the heart sick I wasn’t quite sure how this would play out and my heart was aching with the thought of more delay.
Then there was another side of me a quite strong voice saying What If? What if it works this time?
I could see myself shouting for joy or crying silently grateful tears or maybe dancing around the room. How would I react to this Impossible News?
Scared of my own future feelings. Excited about the faint hope and possibility. Knowing I needed the company either way. I woke up My Sleeping Giant.
The one person who never doubted all along, even when his faith made me want to scream, my sweet husband Corey Lee.
“Babe, I’m about to take the test.” What drew me to that bathroom at 4am? Hair disheveled, heart beating, mind racing?
Must have been a power beyond me.
A few minutes later I looked back at that pink and white stick, the feelings of familiarity so thick in the air I could only cut through it with a sharpened Cutco knife.
But to my surprise there was a plus sign. A faint little line crossing my normal lonely blue horizontal disaster.
A plus sign?!
“Corey!” I exclaimed after staring in disbelief.
It’s a plus sign! “Is it?”
He looked at it and saw the same. I’m wondering at that point why I’m not crying but moments later overwhelmed with emotion there I was on the floor weeping with joy.
Finally this mentally exhausting war full of seemingly never ending battles and heart wrenching shame was coming to an end!
The climatic moment of my story was filling my soul with light.
But I had to keep our little secret until my doctor confirmed it was true. And somehow the Infertile part of me still wondered? “Is this a mistake? A cruel joke? Can this really be happening to me?”
Be still my soul and shut that devil up. This is my time to Rejoice!
“You are definitely pregnant! Your HCG levels are off the charts. Are you sure there aren’t two in there?”
And there you have it; what I saw was confirmed by the doctors.
The battle was over. Or so I thought.
9 months of joy!
9 months of testing.
9 months of monitoring.
9 months of this amazing feeling hard to explain unless you’ve waiting for a really long time see something birth: an appreciation I’ve never experienced before…
And then the war began.
All kinds of relational mess started coming up, mistakes of the past, false accusations, sudden disconnects to people I loved so much.
What is happening?
You see Someotmes when you finally get the answer to your prayer and you are promoted to answered prayer the battle comes after your Answer.
Whether people say that battle is your fault their fault or whoever a fault at the end of the day it is spiritual.
He was after my seed from day one and couldn’t believe this was happening so I had to use wisdom and fight to keep the answer.
“No stress” the doctor confirmed.
And that’s when I learned the power of consecration, getting alone with Him, praying many prayers over this promised child…
And we won!
Baby still tucked in safely.
Mom is soo big.
And out of breath.
Ready to pop any moment.
40 weeks. 1 Centimeter dilated.
We even went to a famous italian restaurant. Ate their eggplant parmesan. Hoping to join the wall of mommas who got preggo in 24 hours of eating this glorious meal.
24 hours later. Nothing.
48 hours later. No more dilation.
So our doctor schedules an induction for 41 weeks and one day.
I began to pray that wouldn’t have to happen.
And then something happened. We sat down after walking all over the mall and strip malls trying to get my precious lady to drop.
She was facing down and everything was in position but I wasn’t showing any more signs of dilating.
We sat down to have our weekly family time, led by none other than my hubby Corey. But my breathing was getting strangely stronger.
Was this in my mind or the real deal? Was I making this happen because I wanted it to start so bad?
“Wait until you are contracting 10 mins apart” these words began to chime in my head over and over.
Was this a real contraction?
Apparently I had been contracting but didn’t even know it because my pain tolerance is so high.
At this point I was standing up and breathing harder. I was leaning over the counter. All the dramatics. Everyone in the room started getting up and trying not to let me see that they were really almost in panic mode.
“Pack your stuff up. We’re going to the hospital.”
And that was it, we were off. In my mind I’m still thinking, “Is this the real deal? I don’t want to sit in the hospital for hours.”
After walking other women through this, I know what it is like to sit there and be sent back home. But better safe than sorry.
We sat in the waiting room, got checked in and they kept me there because I was scheduled to induce the next day.
Time for the action.
I had my birth ball, two bags and all Sarah’s stuff ready to go for when she was finally born. I prayed for so many hours I can’t count before and during this pregnancy for this to go a certain way.
And guess what, It didn’t!
This is not to discourage any preggo mommas out there, just saying to be flexible.
God has a plan.
Hours went by and I was coming along very, very slowly.
The contractions were getting longer.
Before you know it I had been in there overnight.
And it was the next morning.
Still only 5 centimeters dilated, my water had not broken.
But I was definitely in labor.
Praying, worshipping, laboring.
Then the doctor came in to see if I wanted medication.
“No thank you, I would rather go natural.”
And more time went by until I was in there for 20 hours.
Oh my! Up until then I didn’t feel led to use any medication but started to get so tired physically that I needed to pray about doing something.
“Could this go on for another 24 hours?” “Why was this taking so long?”
The contractions were getting really long: it was time.
I asked for my options and then did an epidural.
Which was great once I prayed and felt peace about it, we were ready to do that and get this baby expedited.
A few hours before that my water broke, the doctor had to break the remainder of the sack and I was finally able to take a nap.
At 25 hours of labor, she came right on time, November 14, 2017.
And my double portion baby was here!!! The one I didn’t always know if I’d ever see!
Alert, Beautiful, Full of LIFE there she was and I couldn’t wait to share her with the world.
This is my story, for the you to be inspired and for me to remember the birthing of the sweetest gift I’ve ever been given…My precious Sarah-Elizabeth Joy Lee.