How to Love Yourself Even When You Mess Up

Jade Lee {Podcast at Bottom}

Have you ever messed up so bad and done it so many times that you are tempted to not love yourself?  You can’t figure out how you keep messing up in the same area over and over again.

Then the beat yourself up cycle begins.

All is well–>Here comes temptation–>The fall–>I can’t believe I did this again–>I really can’t believe I did this Again–>Hopelessness–>How do I get out of this–>Feelings of failure–>Somehow I forget about it and move on–>All is well?

How do you finally get Out of this demeaning and self destructive cycle?  I do not claim to have all of the answers but in a sense I do, not based on my own knowledge or even experience but based on GOD’s Infinite Wisdom.

Listening to Him makes sense.  He has watched humanity struggle through these same feeling and patterns for thousands of years.  He Know How to Get Us Out.

This is the theological term, Redemption.

To be redeemed means to be brought back.  We have been purchased with the body and blood of Jesus Christ.  This may sound odd to some but imagining someone else loving you so much that they are willing to provide their own child on your behalf is stunning.  

It is a deeply moving act of love.

Their body, the blood that runs through their veins is given for you.  They are innocent but willingly die for your failures and shortcomings.

This is love.

When we think of the gospel perhaps we are tempted to limit ourselves to an initial John 3:16 Experience.  But we so desperately need the powerful working of the gospel to be activated in our daily lives.

The Gospel is the Good News that Jesus Christ died for us, He stood in proxy of us and became sin that we may be free.  Consider that horrible feeling of uncleaness occurring after or while you are sinning.

Now ponder never having known sin or the consequences of sin living inside of you, but you suddenly must become sin to free others.  This had to have been excruciatingly painful for Jesus (the object of perfection).

But not only did He die for our sins collectively, He died for each sin in our lives.  This is how we apply the power of the Gospel moment by moment.

The behaviors we cringe upon remembering such as cursing a loved one out, yelling at our dog, cutting a friend off, or looking at pornography- those same behaviors that spin us into guilt and condemnation have been completely forgiven by one paramount act of grace.

Jesus knew we would mess up so He died for each time we would fail.  He longs for us to get out of negative thought patterns by receiving His unconditional Love.

Hopelessness occurs when we forget the most important element in the midst of our failure- Jesus’ Christ Full Acceptance, Forgiveness and Love.

Allow that fact to settle in, even after you sin day by day or moment by moment.

You are loved just as much when you fail as when you appear to be living victoriously.

We overcome as we see there is Someone Greater than our sin and His Strength to overcome our behaviors is working in U.S. and through us; it may not feel like it but we must receive this truth by faith.

There are certain areas I have failed in repeatedly, like being too short with loved ones or too quick to speak and slow to listen.  These actions are not only hurtful to others, they are harmful to myself.

I don’t want to do them but find myself falling from time to time.  Then I have a choice, to wallow in condemnation and believe the lie that I am a hopeless cause, never to change or I can simply forgive.

Today I want to present to you a concept that revolutionized my life and way of thinking: What if GOD is requiring you to forgive yourself?

I know that is a strange requirement, but it is Biblical.  And, it is Beyond Freeing!

Meditate on the following truth to set your mind free:

If GOD is for me, how can I be against myself?  If GOD did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for me, how shall He not with Him also freely give me all things?  It is GOD who justifies.  How can I say my behaviors  (good or bad) area able to justify or condemn me before GOD.  Which one of my behaviors are good enough to make me right with GOD and which are bad enough to separate me from GOD when Jesus is the Factor that redeems me?  It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of GOD, who also makes intercession for us.  Who shall separate me from the love of Christ?  Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?  We go through these difficulties but we are more than conquerors through Him who loves us.  It will all work out for my good because I am called and GOD is writing my story!

These thoughts from Romans 8:31-37 and vs. 28 are important to bring back to remembrance when we are tempted to fall into the above guilt cycle.

Paul, the author of Romans, vulnerably shares His own cycle and struggle with sin.  This is not uncommon to man and you are not alone.  He shared how he needed the law to know and see his sin but was now in a dilemma.  He and sin alone was a disaster.  He could see no way out without another factor.

I and probably you have experienced the same emotions.  Recently I had another one of these failing moments but then Jesus stepped in revealing to me How to Get Out!  

It is quite astounding how many times we can know the truth, see the revelation and quickly forget.  The Word of GOD is like a mirror and must be looked at daily lest we forget what we looked like and how to overcome.

As I read through Romans 7 and 8, I did not need to be reminded of how horrible my sin nature is, that was beyond evident to my own detriment.  I needed to be reminded of The One Missing Factor to my temporarily blinded eyes: Jesus Christ.

Whenever our awareness becomes blinded to His existence and our belief becomes dampened by our shortcomings we find hopelessness.  But if we can Refocus on Him, we find the escape route we so desire.

“I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good.  For I delight in the law of GOD according to the inward man.  But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.  I wretched man that I am!  Who will deliver me from this body of death?  I thank GOD through Jesus Christ or LORD!” (Romans 7:13-24, NKJV)

How do we get out of the Romans 7-23 Dilemma?  With the Romans 8 Solution:

  1. Know and Realize there is no condemnation because of the Jesus Factor (Romans 8:1).  You are now in Christ Jesus, not because of any good you have done but because of what He has done for you!  You are hidden in Him (Psalm 91) and you are free.  He has given you new clothes.  Listen to my podcast on how Jesus freely gave Joshua the high priest new clothing in the midst of accusation.
  2. You are under a new jurisdiction.  Sin and the knowledge of sin no longer has to grip you in defeat.  The Spirit of life in Christ Jesus is working even when we cannot see it working in our lives (Romans 8:2).
  3. GOD has done what the law alone could not do through His Son Jesus Christ.  The law without Christ can be very challenging to face due to our imperfection and flesh (the part of us that keeps making us fail), but there is hope because GOD sent His Son in human form to overcome the Romans 7-23 Dilemma once and for all.  Because He lived through the same temptations and overcame now all the requirements we try to put on ourselves are fulfilled. We can now live in relationship with His Spirit. (Romans 8:3-4)
  4. We can Reset Our Minds on the Spirit, not on our Flesh.  When we fall into sin it is tempting to then focus on our sin.  How many times does this help?  Probably not many.  It is a wile (unraveling trick) of the enemy designed to cause us to be self absorbed and frustrated.  The answer is not in our flesh or behaviors; it is in Jesus Christ.  We must Refocus on the Holy Spirit and the things of GOD if we want to be free.  We confess, we are forgiven and we refocus without returning our minds to negativity.(Romans 8:5). We will then find that we are enjoying our lives to the fullest and have peace (Romas 8:6).
  5. We can get excited that the same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead is living inside of us and will give us the life we need in every area of our lives.  Our hope and trust is in His resurrection power!  (Romans 8:11). This concept immediately breaks condemnation and feelings of being stuck.  Pondering this concept in our heart through quiet meditation frees our minds.
  6. By the Spirit, not by ourselves, we are now empowered to “put to death the deeds of the body” so that we can really live and enjoy life in abundance (Romans 8:13).  We do this through prayer, confession and dependence on GOD’s help.  This is a process of sanctification and we must be patient with ourselves because He is patient with us as well.  Celebrate growth and the moments you overcome!
  7. We must resist the temptation to be bound by fear due to our past mistakes.  Our future is in GOD’s hands so we do not allow ourselves to remain in the past.  We have to Move On.  (Romans 8:15)
  8. Fear is overcome through the beauty of our adoption story.  We are adopted into the Father’s family as sons and daughters.  We can literally cry out to Him for help.  He is our Loving Father who embraces and accepts us even in our imperfections (Romans 8:15).  I encourage you to really take time to study this reality if you are struggling with condemnation.  
  9. Everything that belongs to Jesus as a son also belongs to us as His adopted brothers and sisters.  We have a royal inheritance (Romans 8:17).  We can claim all heaven has to offer which includes out righteousness.  We do this not by our own efforts but by our faith in GOD’s character.  
  10. Finally, we have HOPE!  We can hope for what we cannot see (Hebrews 11 Faith).  When we have this type of faith it helps us to wait for the needed change in our lives eagerly and with perseverance.  This is because we Know it is going to happen.  We may not see it instantly but it is Finished on the cross (Romans 8:25).

There are a lot more ways that Romans 8 skillfully guides our minds out of condemnation but the last factor I will leave you with today is LOVE.

This process begins and ends with a revelation of GOD’s Love.  Through His love He has promised that we would be changed:

For whom He foreknew, he predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.  Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called, whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified (Romans 8:29-30).

GOD loved us so much that He predestined for us to be conformed to the image of His Son.  Practice this self talk when faced with lies about yourself and when all is well: “I was predestined to be conformed to the image of Jesus Christ.”

This simply means, “I was predestined to get out of this negative behavior and overcome it just as Jesus did; I will look, talk and walk like Jesus.  I will have the character of Jesus. By his is My Father’s promise to me.  I am Not hopeless.”

He loves us so much that He forbids anyone or anything, even our own failures, to separate us from His love.

And this is how we overcome!

This Week’s Challenge: This week I challenge you to read Romans 7-8.  Both of these chapters take us on a glorious journey from making mistakes and feelings of defeat to overcoming through a revelation of GOD’s Great Love.  Journal what GOD shows you about your future in Him and how to overcome.

Let’s Pray: Father I life these dear ones to You, who You love more than life itself, asking for Your help as we press into a mental revelation of Your grace.  No, we do not deserve it but who are we to resist it due to our own behaviors.  We choose to forgive ourselves of the sins we have committed no matter how bad we feel these sins have been.  We ask that You forgive us of the behaviors that constantly seem to set us back and we thank You for gladly receiving us into Your Loving arms.  Please help us continue to read Your Word because it frees our minds and cleanses us from head to toe.  We need You and are leaning upon Your Spirit to help us die to the fleshly desires trying to grip our souls.  We are determined to live a life of righteousness, joy and peace moving on from our past into a Hope-Filled future.  Thank You for the JOY we are experiencing in this moment as we are aware of The Power of Forgiveness.  In Jesus’ precious name we pray.  Amen.

If you have been helped by this message and want to share how it blessed you, please comment in the comment section below.  It is always an honor to hear your testimonies and I am sure it will pull someone else out of a similar battle.

Thank you for reading and visiting.

Until next time,

Jade Lee

5 replies
  1. Paige
    Paige says:

    Wow. This post was so encouraging and so timely! Just now I had woken up 2 hours later from a nap that had been scheduled for 30 minutes (that might not have been the most realistic goal looking back lol). This also happened yesterday so I really felt the temptation to begin condemning myself, thoughts like “you always do this” “why did you think you wouldn’t oversleep” came to mind and of course “now look how behind you’re going to be”. I was going to start rushing to catch up on my work and started to get out my laptop but before opening I felt a check in my heart to just slow down and talk to God. So I started repeating things like God I know you love me even in this moment right now until I felt peace. Then I opened my phone I saw the headline “loving yourself even when you mess up” and knew it was for me. It brought so much healing and affirmation reading how unconditional Gods love for me really is! Thank you for another beautiful post. 💞

  2. Gabriella
    Gabriella says:

    This message was life changing ive been struggling with self condemnation, self unforgiveness and striving to be good enough for God to bless me or give me a good future or even enter heaven ive learned so much and many burdens have been lifted from reading this im excited to do the weekly challenged and am truely encouraged by this article all together. Thank You!!

    • Jade Lee
      Jade Lee says:

      It brings my heart joy to know this blog is helping another! I’m so glad you are finding keys to overcoming self-unforgiveness and accepting GOD’s love for you. We all need a reminder of this truth in various seasons of our lives, knowing that the key is Jesus!


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