Superwoman Myth

Giving Till It Hurts You

Jade Lee {Includes Podcast at Bottom}

Giving Till It Hurts You

Welcome to the season of Gift Giving.  This is the time to Give Until It Hurts.  This is the time of the year we embrace the Holidays in full force thinking of creative ways to buy gifts for each and every one of our loved ones. Our hearts are full as we reimagine years past full of holiday glitz, glistening twinkles on evergreen towers and the starry shimmer in others eyes. The fascination of it all is as warm to us as a cozy cup of warm apple cider by the comforting embers of a fireside or the warm blankets tucked in secret locations throughout our home.
This is what the holiday season is all about and is supposed to be, yet in our real world encounters we find ourselves quietly dismal over the super planning, exasperating chore list and stress of family quarrels.

Isn’t it strange how often we find it necessary to fight off reality in order to present a Hallmark Christmas storyline in our all too often imperfect lives? For me the holiday season has already been strangely filled with stressors, it seems like back to back mountains in front of me as I attempt to be more than human…

It started with an awkward string of real-life events, unexpectedly gripping my life and twirling me around and around until I was spiraling out of any form of calendar, event planning control.

First there is the fact that I am still a first lady, only lady, pastor or minister…you choose which title you prefer. And our church seemed to be on that same downward spiral from my much limited perspective. In a matter of less than a year every single one of the church leaders we had so delicately pastored into ministerial positions one by one moved on to the next assignment in their lives.

Then we received the news that the church building we were renting was going to be sold by its retiring owners, but we sat in life’s hold waiting to hear how the matter would unfold.

But it did not end there, suddenly we gain a call from the owner saying the building is Under Contract. We would have to find elsewhere to conduct our weekly meetings and Sunday services.

But it didn’t end there, all while this is occurring my superplanning brain began to consider the next few months of Holiday Bliss! Thanksgiving was coming, then Christmas, then New Year’s Planning (because everything has to be perfect)…and the New Year’s Eve party, traveling to various locations in different states all while keeping the church afloat from a distance with limited leadership in position.

It all seemed so impossible already not to include the instability of my current housing situation, whereas we lived in a parsonage in the building…yes, the same one we were about to sell.

But it didn’t end there, suddenly my absolutely independent 80+ grandmother collapsed to her last breath right before the Holidays.

And we could not return home because we desperately needed a new vehicle, somewhere to reside and a new church location so everything we worked for in the last 10 years would not slip between our desperately gripping fingers.

All the while I simply wanted to GIVE. GIVE to the people in front of me waiting for Thanksgiving Party Extravaganze. GIVE to my father painfully losing his mother. GIVE to my family through the joy of my presence. GIVE to my husband so he could continue to eat three home cooked meals a day. GIVE to every single member in my church so they would not leave as others hurt or feeling forsaken. GIVE to my GOD by devoted prayer and in depth study of His Word. GIVE to the world around me by making the Right Decisions step by step. GIVE to Facebook and Twitter and Instagram as an example of righteousness to the next generation.

GIVE, GIVE and GIVE some more.

I know I am not alone in the Fascination of Giving.

But my giving would soon prove to turn into Stressful, Pulling Your Hair Out, Wanting to Give Up on Everything Exasperation if I would not learn to Release ALL of these cares to the LORD.

It seems that no matter how many times we circle the same journey with our GPS loaded and car filled with gas, we tend to need a friendly reminder. To STOP GIVING everything away without a refill. To ASK for HELP so we cannot KEEP GIVING anymore.
And to enjoy the Journey along the way as we Trust GOD that He is Really in Control.

There is a Beautiful sequence to this Holiday-Life Madness I have just described and it is so eloquently entitled The Sovereignty of GOD. You see, He really does have our every step in control and it is all in His hands even when our carefully written plans seem to deteriorate before our eyes.

Every Holiday Mountain I have encountered has been solved by the Master Planner, from church residency to personal housing, to visiting my family and speaking at my beloved Grandmother’s funeral. It is in this place of Trust that I can rest and Give A Little Less to Give Where it Matters Most.

I can focus on receiving and I encourage you to do the same.
It is okay to give to yourself through receiving from Him, spending time with your family and then giving to others in whatever time you have left. This truly in the season of Giving but what if this year that means, GOD wants you to give up some Giving to receive His Special Gift for you?

Self Reflection:
Q. How can you give to yourself this season in practical ways? What do you enjoy and how can you incorporate this into the midst of holiday busyness? Is there some hidden way GOD is trying to give to you that may have gone unnoticed?

Stop and Take Notice of all the ways He is speaking Appreciation, Encouragement and Hope to your heart. Maybe there is someone He has already placed in your life to help carry some of the Holiday Burden that you usually undertake alone.

Holiday Meditation:
Throughout the holidays I encourage you to meditate on the following imagery- Imagine Jesus on the cross dying for your sins. In the midst of pain unimaginable He sees you and your reflection is in His eyes. But not only is He giving, He is receiving the joy of seeing you saved, seeing you free, seeing you enjoy your life. He is envisioning you at peace and rest this season. His gift is seeing the blessing of your life.

Now imagine all that you have been giving, the people you will give to this season and Receive the blessing of their lives being changed, the blessing of a rested you to GOD, yourself, your nearest ones and others.

Share Your Story of Holiday Rest:
Is there some way GOD has been helping you do less to do more for your self and those that matter most? I’d love to hear your story and I’m sure it will bless other readers. By commenting in the feed below this post you can help others find rest for their souls even in this crazy-busy world.

How to Overcome Giving Till It Hurts You
Fact: GOD is asking me to give to say no to giving when it hurts me.
Feelings: I want to say no to others but I might experience Rejection or Hurt.
Fall Out: I’ve tried this before but it ended in a fight. I’ve tried this before but I couldn’t stick to it. What if other people think I’m mean or uncaring?
Forgiveness: If you fall or get hurt, at least you fall forward and will know that you put your priorities back in order. You will feel great when you find the balance of giving to yourself and having time to help the people you are really called to help.
Forward Thinking: If I fall, I can get back up. If others reject me, GOD will heal me. GOD will take care of what I cannot finish. If I say no to care for myself GOD says I’m worth it.  As long as GOD approves of me, I am in a good, guilt free zone.

You can also listen to this week’s podcast episode by clicking the play button below or subscribing to my Itunes Podcast, Inspiring Lives with Jade Lee.

4 replies
  1. Authum Bertrand
    Authum Bertrand says:

    I love this blog, ‘Giving Til it hurts.’ I had to stop and examine my self about giving. I love to give but I noticed when others have hurt me, I’d let that get to me and let my heart become harden. I was walking around not forgiving others even though I knew that was the right thing to do. And didn’t understand why when I give and feel burnt out. After alot of build up of unforgiveness, God showed me that I wasn’t getting filled up by Him. And just like the blog said, when others reject me, God will heal me. And He has been! I received healing to where I have started to get out of my comfort zone.
    Thank you so much for sharing :)

    Reply
    • Jade Lee
      Jade Lee says:

      When we realize the power of healing and freedom that comes in giving our deepest pains into the hands of a Loving Father, we are finally able to release healing to those that have hurt us; also giving in a way that we expect nothing in return is a beautiful gift. I appreciate your vulnerability and wish you many years of joyful giving.

      Reply
  2. Edleea Brewster
    Edleea Brewster says:

    Omgoodness This blog post has helped me so much. I have a really hard time balancing this because I have the gift of serving.. Its really hard for me to say no, especially to ministry related things!! Thank you so much.

    Reply
    • Jade Lee
      Jade Lee says:

      Dear Edleea,

      Isn’t that moment the lights go off so freeing? I know you will find, hear and obey the voice of the LORD as He leads you into more fine tuned, yet formidable giving.

      Reply

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